Of Adultery and Space Travel
by Aeneid
Summary: Just when Okita Sougo thought his day was going to be normal (read: boring), the appearance of a certain lady in his life makes everything more interesting but utterly chaotic. Inspired from a doujinshi. Rated T for Kagura's potty mouth.
1. Chapter 1

Inspired by the Okita x Kagura doujinshi "2-Nen Me no Uwaki" (The 2nd Year of Infidelity) by Milk Price. I seriously love that doujinshi with all my heart.

Originally posted over at Tumblr, but I edited and added some parts for this version.

Here's the newest Gintama fic from me, which is also very silly and random.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Gintama does not belong to me. It belongs to Sorachi Hideaki.

* * *

**Of Adultery and Space Travel**

* * *

_Chapter 1_

* * *

The most unexpected thing that had happened to Okita Sougo as soon as he made his rounds around Edo was the fact that there was someone who was calling out to him by his _first name_.

"Sougo!"

That had made him raise an eyebrow, as it was only Hijikata Toushirou, Kondo Isao, and the _danna_ of the Yorozuya (when he actually bothered to remember his name) who called him by such. Everyone else called him by his last name with the proper honorific (Okita-san), or secretly referred to him as '_Do-S baka_', while a _certain someone_ simply referred to him either as '_gaki_' [1] or 'sadist'. Calling someone by their first name usually implied a close relationship with the person, usually a family member or a close friend and, in rare cases, the current significant other of that person. Hijikata was not a friend (hell, he'd rather kill himself than be friends with that jerk), Kondo-san was a person who had known him since he was a child, and _danna_, whenever he just bothered to remember his name, called him by his name just because he could.

Obviously, he had no significant other, unless you counted that girl from that virtual game he used to play before, but a real life woman? He had none. AT ALL.

Another thing that shocked him was that the voice calling out to him right now sounded so familiar that he dare not hope it was this _certain_ _person_ he had been… dreaming of lately. Or more like, _that person_ had been haunting every waking moment, whether he was sleeping or busy with work. Somehow, _that person_managed to sneak into his thoughts just because—

"Sougo! There you are!"

Immediately, he looked up from the ground…

… And found himself getting crushed by breasts.

Rather large ones, in fact, for he could feel his face grow warm as he felt the person's breasts pressing hard against both his cheeks. Embarrassed, he forcefully pushed the person away and positioned his hand on the handle of his _katana_. "Who the hell are—" his train of thought had derailed upon seeing the person who had dared hug him. His blood-red eyes blinked at the sight of the person in front of him, and if it was even possible, his jaws would have dropped down the ground.

"C-C-C-C—"

But he wasn't really sure if it was her.

First off, the lady in front of him had _breasts_. China had none_,_ or rather, it was non-existent.

Second, she was the same height as he was, whereas China reached only his chin, as she was six inches shorter than he was.

Third of all, the woman was wearing a rather scandalous outfit that would probably shock the hell out of _danna_ if he saw his surrogate daughter walking around with that. Sure, she had a cloak to cover her, but the midriff sleeves top, the skirt with very high slits, the thigh high boots… well, it was an outfit that was really designed to seduce.

Fourth, her hair was still the same old vermillion-colored hue he was used to, but it had gotten longer, and only a part of it was tied up in twin buns on the sides of her head. On top of her head was a pair of goggles, which he deduced was something that she used at times. A certain Yato who was related to the lady standing in front of him also sported goggles over his head.

"Why are you looking at me like that, _darling_?" she asked in a rather _cute voice _that Sougo was so damn sure that never existed in someone so rough and uncultured as the female Amanto he knew.

And not only that, but she _actually _had an endearment for him?!

_D-d-d-darling?!_

Immediately, he looked up to see if pigs started flying, and when he found none, he was dumbfounded.

"Errr…" right now, he was at a loss for words, and did not know how to react. His poker-faced expression broke right then and there, and he was too confused on what and how to reply. "W-w-who the heck are you?"

"So mean! How could you forget about me?!" immediately, she marched up to him, grabbed him once more, and shoved his face against her breasts. "Did you hit your head or something?!"

"Mffph. Mpfmpp fffmph." He replied back, actually wanting to say, 'no, not really'.

"Ah, sorry." She let go of him and stared at him eye-to-eye, though her arms were still wrapped around his waist. "_Darling_, you really don't remember me…?" her azure-colored eyes were slightly watering, and somehow, he was afraid that if she cried right then and there.

He _was_ a sadist, but for the love of-

The last thing his mind needed right now was something like this: complicated, confusing, and a dose of craziness. And with someone like this woman involved, this was going to be one hell of a ride.

"… I just want to be very sure, but for the sake of my sanity, tell me your name." he said in his usual deadpan tone, quickly recovering from the… surprise that had caught him off-guard. Just before the woman could reply, a voice had interrupted their conversation.

"Tch. Sadist, never knew you were such a ladies' man. Seriously, embracing so passionately in front of everyone? You should be arrested for scandalous behavior."

_Speak of the devil._

It was just amusing to find the person who had been haunting him lately standing a few feet behind the woman who was still not letting him go from the hug. Vaguely, he wondered what _she_ had to say after seeing this rather awkward… position.

Sougo was just about to reply back to her when the woman turned around, crossed her arms in front of her and smirked.

"Well, well… if it's isn't my 14-year-old self."

* * *

Notes:

[1] _gaki_ - literally means 'brat'. Okita is 4 years older than Kagura, but she insists on calling him that in the manga, for some weird reason. But then again, they call each other that.

I told you it was crazy, this fic. I hope you liked Chapter 1.

Tell me what you think of it in the review!


	2. Chapter 2

Spoilers for the manga, especially during the Boyfriend Arc. You've been warned.

As always, thank you to the reviews of this fanfiction.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama. It belongs to Sorachi Hideaki.

* * *

**Of Adultery and Space Travel**

* * *

_Chapter 2_

* * *

To say that 14-year-old Kagura was shocked at the sight of an older version of her was understating the whole situation. Not only was she shocked, but she felt disgusted at the sight of her hugging the sadist too tightly, and even crushing his face against her breasts. It was disgusting to see someone who looked like her hugging her rival like he was a stuffed animal. Suppressing the urge to vomit right then and there, she studied the woman who looked a lot like her.

… Wait, she had breasts at _that age_?

And what the hell did she just say earlier...?

"… 14-year-old self?" she echoed, her azure blue eyes narrowing at the sight of her rather-voluptuous older self. "You're… not a wart, right?" she heard of that story, about all of them turning into warts, and by making the viewers of the show believe that they also had a 'timeskip' feature, like most Shonen Jump shows.

"You insult me, Kagura-_chan_." the older woman said, frowning at her. "Of course I'm not a wart."

"Oh yeah? How sure are_ you?_" she challenged.

Hell, even _if_ this woman was telling the truth, there's no damn way she'll accept it.

First off, she did not like that sadist.

Second, she wasn't the type to wear skimpy outfits.

Lastly, she was getting scared at the possibility that the woman before was indeed... her.

The certified alien hunter sighed. "Fine, okay. First off, I'm Kagura—"

"STOP! KAGURA?! You're… me?!" she screamed.

"… Younger self, calm your nonexistent tits. I'm not done talking yet—"

"YOU'RE ME?!" she squealed, jaws dropping at the sight of the woman who was giving her a death glare. She had been too shocked that the fact that her older self insulted her about her lack of breasts had been thrown out of the window. "No damn way!"

"As I've said… that's my name. I'm from the Yato Clan, obviously." the older Kagura said, also ignoring the fact that her younger self had interrupted her. "Second of all, I'm still working part-time for the Yorozuya Gin-chan at Kabuki-cho, located on the second floor of Snacks Otose."

"Hah, everyone knows that." the younger Kagura said, picking her nose. "What lies are you going to say next?"

"Lastly, at the age of fourteen, I was nearly kidnapped by Dai-chan, the Prince of the Giants, and wanted to make me his bride because he thought I was an Earthling, and that I had the perfect genes for his… plans."

* * *

Okita Sougo noted the way China's face paled at what the oppai lady stated.

What was she talking about, and what the hell happened?

"Y-you… you knew?" China asked.

"Duh. I was there to experience it." she flipped her vermillion hair behind her back. "Oh, you know, I was just about to walk away when all the Giants surrounded me and used some kind of smoke bomb to make me sleep. When I woke up, I was covered in blood and was crushed by one of those Giants. Apparently, Gin-chan and Papi forgot I was there and went on a violent spree to beat the shit out of them." she gave out a sarcastic laugh.

"E-even if you knew that information, I still don't believe you!" China declared rather hotly.

The older woman chuckled once more, albeit sounding like she had quite a malicious plan to unleash. "Oh, so you wanna move on to the more… intimate details? Sure, why not. It's for your own benefit anyway.

The younger Kagura blanched at the word _intimate, _wondering what lies the woman was about to say. Nevertheless, it wasn't enough to deter her. She had to admit, she was curious about this whole thing, even if it was a lie.

"So, the guy I'm attached to… is this guy." she pointed at him, making him raise an eyebrow. "Or rather, the older version of you."

"… So it really is confirmed? Me and… China?" he asked, trying hard not to make himself look shocked at the revelation.

Who the hell knew it would end up that way?

" 'Course. Who else would it be anyway?" she asked. "It's some kind of sick inter-specie romance for most, but who the hell cares? I can pass off as a Earthling anyway."

_Well, it was a good thing that the Yato looked a lot like humans, except for their pale skin and aversion to the sun,_ he thought.

"… So you claim to know so much about that idiot sadist, huh?" China asked, rolling her eyes at the same time.

The certified female alien hunter puffed her chest proudly. "Of course I know everything about him! _Everything!_ I'm his lover, after all! Hell, I even know the size of his pe—"

"Ewww! That's so disgusting!" came the reply of the younger version.

"—penknife." she gave out a mocking laugh. "Well, well, aren't you a pervert? But then again, you're me, after all… albeit a flat-chested version, that is."

He forced himself not to blush at the thought of her knowing the size of his… penknife.

Just how intimate were they anyway?!

She _did_ mention the word 'lover' but...

"So why are you here?" he asked the older China, desperately trying to distract his mind from thinking of JAV-like imagery.

"Time machine, obviously." she said. "I… kinda had an accident, and before I knew it, I was in the park. I headed off to the Shinsengumi compound, but Jimizaki told me you were out on patrol, so I searched for you near that _sukonbu_ store—"

"Are you some kind of stalker?" he asked.

"Nah, I just know you love passing there 'cause of me. Or rather, the flat-chested version of me." she winked, causing him to blush faintly. Her younger self, on the other hand, turned red from anger.

"HEY! I'm not flat-chested! I'll have you know I'm growing quite nicely!" it was a lie, but who knew, right? The female Yato fervently believed that someone, she was going to have a body to die for. As to when that would happen, she had no idea, but still...!

"Give it two more years before that happens, little girl!" she yelled back sarcastically before suddenly swaying violently to the side. "Ah, crap."

"What's wrong?" Okita asked.

"Sunlight… and—" before she could even continue her sentence, she fainted and hit the ground.

* * *

Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

Just a warning: Kagura's potty mouth is in motion again. Harsh language ahead.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama. It belongs to Sorachi Hideaki.

* * *

**Of Adultery and Space Travel**

* * *

_Chapter 3_

* * *

They had brought the older woman to the Yorozuya, much to the chagrin of China, who wanted nothing to do with her.

Earlier, they even had an argument as to where they would bring her.

"Why not at your place? She's your older self. If she dies, then you probably won't get to hear the stories she has about your wild side or something." Okita said as China crouched down to look at the now unconscious woman breathing heavily.

"Don't tell me you have a crush on her, sadist." she shot back. "Sounds like you're bending over backwards to help her out."

"I'm simply doing my job." he shrugged. "Is that a problem?"

"She's your responsibility then. I don't want to involve myself in this." just when she was about to stand up and walk off, he immediately did a leg sweep and sent her falling down flat on her face. "Okay, what the fuck was that about?!" she grabbed his cravat, her face all red from the impact.

"China, for once, be a nice girl and help her out." he said in his deadpan tone.

"If I carry her, then I won't be able to shield myself from the sun." it was mid-morning during autumn, but any hint of sunlight was still enough to weaken her.

Okita sighed. "Give me your umbrella then."

"Why should I?"

"To break it in half." he answered sarcastically. "Use your brain. Of course I'll use it to shield you from the sun! Or rather, both of you." he added the last sentence hastily.

Which was why Sougo found himself in the Yorozuya with China, who was scowling at him, even after she had laid the unconscious woman on the couch opposite the one where _danna _was sleeping on, the Jump magazine covering his face.

"Geez, stop looking at me like I committed a mortal sin against you." he remarked.

"This is all your fault!"

"What, is it my fault if your older self suddenly assaults me and presses my face against her breasts?" he shot back.

Shimura Shinpachi, who had been quiet the whole time during the exchange, finally spoke up. "Older self…? WAIT! WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!"

"Oh wow Patsuan, you only noticed it just now?" Kagura asked sarcastically as soon as the glasses-wearing _jimi_of the Yorozuya went near the couch to see who it was that Kagura brought in. As soon as he saw the sleeping woman's face, he immediately screamed.

"IS THIS FOR REAL?!" he shouted, looking back and forth between the two female Yato. "This is not a wart, right?!"

"I asked her that, and she said she wasn't… then claimed that she used a time machine to get here." the younger Kagura said, shrugging. "As much as I don't want to get involved…" at this, she shot a dirty look at the direction of the Shinsengumi member. "This jerk forced me to bring her here."

"Well, that's because she can't be brought to the compound, right…?" Shinpachi asked, looking over at Okita, who had placed Kagura's umbrella in the usual spot by the _genkan_. "Woman aren't allowed in the compound, Kagura-chan."

"I don't care where she's going to be brought, as long as she's not here." Kagura slid open the cabinet door. "Don't disturb me, or else…" As soon as she headed inside, she slammed it so hard that Sakata Gintoki jolted awake from his slumber.

"Kagura, what the hell, don't slam that door so hard!" he threw his Jump magazine at the direction of the cabinet door, but because he was still sleepy, he had hit the person sleeping on the couch instead. "Ah, sorry, Kagura—"

Immediately, the _danna _of the Yorozuya rubbed his eyes and sat up straight. "Wait… who the hell slammed the cabinet door then…?!" he wondered out loud, trying his best not to panic at the thought of his office-slash-home being haunted by some ghost.

"Err, Gin-san, we… have a bit of a problem. Uh, Okita-san, if it's okay, won't you mind explaining…?"

The First Division Captain shook his head. "Not now. Look after that person first. I'll be back in the afternoon." before Shinpachi could even utter a word of protest, the sadist exited the office.

* * *

Instead of going back on patrol, Okita knew he had to go back to the compound to report this… rather unusual event to Kondo Isao, just so the whole police force wouldn't be alarmed at the sight of two Chinas in Edo. That, and to find a way to sort this whole mess before more shit happened.

The day, which had just started, had just gone from odd to weird, and frankly, he wondered how many more surprises would come his way to shock the hell out of him.

Little did he know that there were, indeed, more… surprises to come his way to shock the hell out of him.

The half hour walk from Kabuki-cho had brought him back to the familiar compound, and just as soon as he was removing his shoes by the _genkan_, Yamazaki came running towards him. "Okita-_taichou_!"

"What now, 'zaki? I'm busy."

"Y-yeah, well… you need to hear me out first!"

"Sorry, but I need to see Kondo-san right now." he said. "Where is he?"

"He's in the meeting room, entertaining a VIP right now and— wait, where are you going?!"

"To see him, obviously." Was Yamazaki turning into an idiot right now?

"Errr, I don't think you should— Okita-_taichou_, wait!"

Ignoring the _jimi_ who was trailing behind him, he opened the _fusuma_ of the meeting room…

… and found three pairs of eyes looking at him.

One particular pair of eyes looked totally similar to him and—

Well, this day truly was… full of surprises.

From weird and shocking, now it had bordered to creepy, and Sougo didn't know how to even start describing it.

All he knew was that the last thing he expected to see in the Shinsengumi compound was a figure he knew too well: a man clad in the trademark black Shinsengumi uniform with gold trimmings and the immaculate white cravat was neatly tied around his neck. His short hair was styled in a clean cut, with the majority of his bangs swept to the left. Instead of the trademark bored expression, a hint of concern was evident on his face.

Curiously, the person had a blood-red cape draping over his shoulders, which also covered his whole back, and nearly covered the front portion of the uniform. The only thing that held the cape together was a golden rope located on the front of the cape.

If his guess had been correct, the person sitting in the room, and talking to the commander of the Shinsengumi was… _him_.

Or rather, _his_ older counterpart, if the oppai _lady _was to be believed.

Him, Okita Sougo, the older Kagura's lover. That is, if she really was an older version of China, and if she really was telling the truth.

_'How the hell did he get here?! And what is he doing here?!'_

* * *

Kondo Isao was at a loss for words, as well as Hijikata Toushirou, whose jaws had dropped that the cigarette he was about to light up fell down the _tatami_. "… Errr… S-Sougo, is that you?" the commander of the Shinsengumi asked, blinking over and over again just to make sure that his eyes weren't deceiving him.

"He is, indeed, my younger self." spoke the one clad in a red cape.

_'Since when the hell did I talk like that?!'_ Out loud, he said, "Okay, who the hell is this weirdo?"

"I am you." he replied.

"I don't speak like that." the younger Okita shot back. "Never did."

"Unless you were talking to _aneue_?" the wine-colored irises of the man sitting along with the two high-ranking officials of the Shinsengumi gave him a challenging look. "_Aneue _had always been a special case for us, huh?"

Immediately, he drew his blade and aimed it straight at the neck of the person who was supposedly the older version of him. "… Seriously, this is getting really creepy. Who are you and why the hell are you here?!"

The stranger gave out a rather sincere smile. "I'm Okita Sougo… and I'm here to look for my wife, Okita Kagura."

Sougo blanched at the revelation.

"Or, as she likes to call me, 'Bakaiser'."

* * *

I hope you enjoyed the chapter!


	4. Chapter 4

This is the edited version of the chapter. The original and uncut version is on my Tumblr blog.

Huge amounts of cursing from both Bakaiser and his waifu.

Regardless, enjoy!

Dedicated to a certain friend on Facebook who actually did a PSA to find me. 8D;; I'm flattered, seriously. :P here ya go, as requested.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama. It belongs to Sorachi Hideaki.

* * *

Of Adultery and Space Travel

* * *

_Chapter 4_

* * *

They were _married_?!

As much as he wanted to bang his head against the wall over and over again at the revelation, he controlled himself and instead gripped on the handle of his _katana_. "... Wife? She said you were her lover."

"Husband _and_ lover." the older version of him corrected. "'Guess she prefers me being the latter."

"... Why?"

"Why what?" Bakaiser raised an eyebrow.

"Are you out of your mind? Married to China? What the hell were you thinking?!" the captain of the First Division swung his sword as fast as he could, but failed to cut the stranger, who had rolled to the left to avoid the attack.

"I nearly forgot how immature I was at that age." he commented, nodding to himself. "Yep, definitely immature, hot-blooded, and very cocky."

"I'm not immature!" he shot back angrily, swinging the blade yet again as the older man dodged it once more.

"S-Sougo, calm down!" Kondo Isao called out, but failed to snap him to attention as the younger man began to dash forward to cut down the mysterious visitor. "T-Toshi, what should we do?!"

"Let the kid blow off some steam." said Hijikata, who had now successfully lit up his cigarette. "He probably freaked out 'cause he can't accept the fact that he has to marry China girl in the future."

"Fuck you, Hijikata." called out the older version of the First Division Captain. "And at my expense too." as soon as his younger version swung the blade down, he lifted his leg to deal a blow at his counterpart's mid-section, who went down on his knees, doubling over from the pain.

"Still weak, and totally pathetic and immature." Bakaiser spat out, grabbing the katana and sheathing it back. "It just tells me that you can't hold your ground, not like what you did when you protected her and Rokkaku's daughter."

Okita stared at him, mouth agape. _Just how the hell did he-_

As if reading his mind, the older man sighed. "I _did_ tell you that I'm you from the future, but whatever. You know where she is right now?" he asked. "My Kagura, I mean."

"Can you not refer to her as 'my Kagura'? It's creepy."

"At least I'm specific." the Bakaiser chuckled. "My apologies, if I insinuated that I was referring to _your_ China girl."

"She's not my anything!" he shot back immediately.

"Okay, okay. Don't get your boxers in a bunch." he chuckled once more. "So, where is she?"

"At _danna_'s place."

"Thanks, brat." he tossed the _katana_ back to his younger counterpart, who barely caught it, as he was still in pain. "See ya."

"I'm going with you." bowing to Kondo-san, who was still in shock from the events that just unfolded, he ran off after his older version.

* * *

People were giving them weird looks.

Not that he wasn't used to it from time to time, but the fact that he and his older counterpart, who was still wearing that stupid cape, were walking side to side was enough to make the townspeople of Edo stop and gape at them. Some girls were blushing at the sight of his older version, but he paid no attention to them, his eyes always looking straight ahead.

"Why does she call you 'Bakaiser' anyway?" he asked.

"Suddenly curious to know the details?"

"More like I've nothing better to do, so I might as well quiz you on mundane stuff."

The Bakaiser laughed. "So she and I were roleplaying and-"

"Okay, nevermind-"

"-when I said that I wanted to be an overlord of sorts for our game, she told me that I was more suited as a Bakaiser than a 'kaiser', so it got stuck." at this, he covered his mouth, looking as if he was trying to cover up his incoming nosebleed. "It was so surreal when she was screaming that nickname over and over again when I was riding-"

"-SHUT THE HELL UP!"

"-our car and kept swerving to scare the hell out of her." suddenly, the man in the red cape gave out the most hysterical laugh that Okita never knew he had in him. "Stupid woman. That's what she gets for not following my orders."

"... I'm afraid to ask what your order was."

"Oh, it was simple: I asked her to go down on me-"

"-SHUT THE FUCK-"

"-while I was driving." he said bluntly. "What's so wrong about that?"

"That's only one of the most dangerous things to do while driving." the younger version of him replied sarcastically. "Maybe you didn't know that, _Bakaiser_?"

"Oh, I knew, I just wasn't serious about the order." another laughter escaped his lips. "The look on her face when I said that was priceless, and she looked like she was torn between straggling me and kicking me out of the window."

Okita shook his head. "Well, at least you're still the same old sadist." he commented.

"Even she can't take that part away. 'sides, she's a sadist herself." the older Sougo said, smirking.

Vaguely, the eighteen-year old Okita wondered if that had been the sole reason why the future him got together with her. "... One last question." before the other one could say yes, he stated it bluntly. "What made you decide to get together with that woman anyway?"

The older version of him shook his head. "I can't answer that for you. Maybe when you're no longer a kid, or rather, you're no longer an immature brat, I'll tell you." he said, immediately stepping away to avoid the swing of the _katana_. "Tough luck; you're still a kid, and a brat to boot."

"You were like this too, if your weird story is to be believed." the younger one shot back.

"True, true. And that's why I can't believe I was such a brat back then." he shook his head. "Sheathe that sword; we're wasting time, and I need to see her."

"Why are you so concerned about her anyway? She can take care of herself."

"Not when the sun is the enemy. She doesn't have that umbrella of hers." he informed him. "Unless... your China, I mean, the younger her is with her?" he hastily corrected himself upon seeing the dark look on his younger version's face.

"Yeah, but she doesn't want anything to do with her."

At this, Bakaiser chuckled. "Ah, what a _tsundere_. She hasn't changed since then, with her being so adorable and violent."

Somehow, the 'adorable' part didn't suit well with him, especially when his older self was saying it. It just felt... weird. And _slightly_ disgusting. "... Adorable? You're calling China _adorable_?"

"You just haven't noticed it yet. In time, brat, in time."

Both of them stopped in front of the door of the Yorozuya, and the younger one knocked at the door. Immediately, the door slid open and it was the male Shimura who had greeted them. "Welcome back, Okita-sa-" immediately upon seeing the older version of him standing beside him, his jaws dropped. "W-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-"

"Yo, _megane_. If I may." the Bakaiser said, removing his shoes and placing it neatly by the genkan. "Where is she?"

"Tch. Sadist, what the hell, now you're all dressed up?" with sukonbu in her mouth, the younger version of his wife had appeared before the Bakaiser, glaring at him. "And your hair too!"

"Is there something wrong with it?" he asked.

"Eww! Why are you suddenly using polite speech!?" she asked in an incredulous voice. "What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"Oi China, wrong guy." when she realized that the familiar deadpan tone came from behind the guy she was talking to, the sukonbu hanging from her mouth fell to the ground. Shinpachi, who was still in shock, blinked at the two Okitas before him. The one in the cape was smirking, while the other one looked totally annoyed.

"Okay, what the hell is going on?!" she screeched, turning red from embarrassment. "WHO THE HELL IS THIS GUY!?"

"I'm this guy's future self." he said, using his thumb to point at the younger one standing behind him, who was now removing his shoes. "You really are so cute at this age."

"W-w-w-w-w-w-w-" was it Shinpachi's imagination, or was Kagura suddenly all flustered? "What kind of joke is this?!" she screeched.

While Kagura was still dumbfounded at the fact that there were two of her rivals in the Yorozuya, the older man spotted the familiar vermillion-haired woman lying by the couch. "Ah, there you are. I've been looking for you."

Everyone there was expecting a heartfelt reunion between the two.

What they didn't expect was that the woman lying by the couch suddenly sat up to throw a punch at the unsuspecting husband, who had blocked it with both his hands. At this, he smirked and remarked, "Tch. Still a fighter, even after getting weak from the sunlight."

"Jerkass." she spat out.

"Idiot." a wider smirk.

"Sadistic bastard." an icy azure.

"Sadistic bitch." a self-assured smile.

At this, the younger versions of the husband and wife duo, as well as Shinpachi, Gintoki (who was staring at the fighting couple with his usual dead fish eyes) and Sadaharu (who was trying to figure out who was who) stared at the two, wondering why after all their affection and longing for one another, they were _fighting_. And just when they got reunited.

_This day is just getting weirder and weirder,_ they thought to themselves.

* * *

Minutes after the 'reunion', Okita Sougo, aged twenty-eight years old, had jumped down the balcony of the second floor of the Yorozuya and ran away as fast as he could as soon as he saw his wife grab the umbrella of her younger counterpart and began firing bullets his way. A dirty trick, but it wasn't something he didn't expect; despite her becoming his wife, they still had their usual sparring sessions just so they wouldn't get dull.

This time around, this was no sparring session.

She was angry at him, and he could sense her killing intent.

Obviously, he wanted her to avoid committing mariticide, and the best way to do that without hurting her badly was to weaken her once more under the sun. No way would he allow her to wreak havoc at the Yorozuya, as he knew that _danna_ was the type to charge extra for any damages incurred in his property.

But then again…

He dodged a bullet that she fired his way, narrowly missing his shoulder. "Woman, what the hell is wrong with you?"

"You jerk! How dare you show your face to me—"

He decided to humor her. "Geez woman, calm down—"

"No, I'm not gonna calm down, you stupid jerk!" she screeched, easily catching up to him and tried to hit him with her umbrella, but failed. "Fight back!"

"Not gonna hit you."

"Did I hear it right? Bakaiser refuses to hit _me_?!" she called out to him sarcastically, aiming her umbrella towards his head, the tip hitting part of it. "Hah. Got you."

"Barely." He said, running at a faster pace. "China, stop this at once before you get hurt."

"Fuck off, jerk. I do what I want!" she screeched, attacking him once more with the rapid-fire features of the umbrella.

* * *

The Yorozuya trio, along with the younger Okita Sougo, watched from afar as the husband and wife duo began a one-sided fight wherein the woman was doing all the attacks while Bakaiser was doing his best to dodge everything that she threw his way.

"Hah, looks like you'll be wimp when you grow up." Kagura smirked triumphantly at her rival, who was watching the fight with a bored look on his face.

"Can… someone explain to me what the hell is going on?!" Gintoki bellowed, clearly at a loss as to what the hell had just happened before his eyes. "Kagura, was that your doppelgänger?! Did they clone you?!"

Shinpachi was the one who spoke up. "… I actually asked if she was a wart, but Kagura-chan said that she wasn't."

"Ah, the wart. Guess that scenario ended up becoming real, geez." the silver-haired samurai remarked, and then proceeded to pick his nose. "Who the hell thought up of this? It reeks of a sneaky plot device!"

"It must be someone's weird fantasy that those two are suddenly invaded us." Shinpachi nodded, rubbing his chin. "And everything became so confusing!"

"If you're having a hard time, why not just refer to this one as the flat one?" Okita remarked, dodging a punch that went his way. "Just stating the obvious."

Kagura glared at him before sending a kick his way, hitting him in the right hip. "Why are you so obsessed with that?! You're such a pervert! I bet you watch those disgusting AVs!"

"And what if I do?" he turned to look at her, his eyes dead serious. "What're you gonna do about it?"

"… You're disgusting." Just as she looked back once more to where the couple was fighting, a red-colored item was covering her way. "Wha—" seconds upon impact, the sadist suddenly tackled her to the ground, narrowly avoiding a collision with the flash of red, who happened to be Bakaiser. Apparently, he went flying when the older Kagura had hit him with her umbrella, though he had managed to land on his feet.

"Had enough yet, jerk?"

"… Aren't you feeling just a bit tired?" he asked, staring up at his other half, who rolled her eyes. "Looks like the sun isn't doing anything to slow down your rampage." He chuckled, angering his wife.

"Oh, shut up. I've done some training under the sun." she boasted. "My immunity to it is better than the average Yato."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Now that we've managed to destroy a whole lot of park benches and electrical poles, will you calm down and listen to me?"

Immediately, she raised her umbrella and ran towards him in an attempt to strike him down, but before she was able to do so, she had dropped the item and was about to fall on her knees, if it wasn't for Bakaiser, who had immediately steadied her. "... I told you to calm down."

"D-don't touch me...!" she said.

"Are we back to this again? I've been touching you everywhere-"

"S-shut up!" her ears were turning red, hitting him in the shoulder. "Damn it, why is everything spinning?!"

"Prolonged exposure to sunlight, obviously." he removed the cloak and placed it over her head. "Let's head to the Shinsengumi compound for now." he turned to his younger counterpart. "Brat, I'm borrowing your room for a while. My wife needs to rest."

"Get your own room!" Sougo yelled back hotly.

"And that's why I'm borrowing yours." the older Okita smiled. Much to the surprise (and disgust) of the onlookers, he carried the older Kagura on his arms and made his way back to the compound, ignoring her screams and protests. "Calm down, China. You'll throw up."

As soon as he had said those words, she immediately threw up on the ground, narrowly missing his shoes. "Tch, I missed." she muttered, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

"I'm quite smart." he replied back, smirking at her triumphantly.

"Shut it, Bakaiser."

* * *

"You didn't have to carry me all the way to the compound, you know."

He shrugged as soon as he laid her on the futon. All the officers of the police force had stared at them ever since they had set foot inside the compound, and some had also openly gaped at them. He knew that it would happen, since it was very unlikely for the current timeline to accept the fact that the younger version of him would readily carry the female Yato to his private room. "You weren't that heavy anyway." a punch in the arm, and he chuckled. "Energetic as always."

"... I'm still angry at you, you know." she said, looking away at him while removing her cloak, gloves and armband. "You stupid jerk."

"You're still angry at me for playing the role of the concerned husband? I thought you wanted that." he replied back in his arrogant tone.

"Concerned? Don't you mean 'controlling'?" she yelled. "You might be the idiot I married, but who are you to tell me that I should stop traveling to space?!"

"This 'idiot' actually gives a fuck about his pregnant wife going to space and killing all the aliens within her sight." the tone in his voice may have been calm, but it was filled with anger and dismay. "You'd think I let you go there, out of my sight, and let you get killed when you're prone to swooning?"

"I do not swoon-"

"For once, shut your mouth." he glared. "I'm losing my patience with you; don't anger me further, Kagura."

Immediately, she remained silent.

"I've told you over and over again: as long as you're not pregnant, you can do whatever the hell you want. Right now, you're in no condition to go to space and do your usual routine to killing aliens." he gripped the futon. "You know that I'm never the protective type, but the doctor told me that this time around, your condition is too delicate."

"W-what-"

"I was supposed to tell you about it, but you stormed off." he said.

She did remember something similar to that, on the day that she had accidentally got on a time machine and got sent to the current timeline. She and him had been visited by the doctor on that day, for she was unable to get out of bed because of a terrible sickness. Kagura initially suspected it to be food poisoning, as she had been eating so much, including the leftovers from that week. The doctor had done some tests on her, and just before he could tell her of his findings, her husband had pulled the doctor aside to have a private conversation with him.

Several minutes after that, it was then he announced that he was forbidding her from going to space, and immediately, she had storm off, fighting off both the nausea and the headache. Before she knew it, she had stepped on a strange-looking object just near Gengai's workshop, and when she woke up, she was in Edo, but six years in the past.

"... I see..."

"Ah, whatever. As long as I don't find out that you're sneaking off, do whatever the hell you want. You don't listen to me anyway."

Immediately, she felt bad. "... I'm listening right now." she whispered.

"Yeah, right after I had to tell you to shut your mouth." Sougo sighed, removing the cravat on his neck, lying on the tatami in the process. "Go to sleep."

"Not sleepy." she said.

"Then just lie still and keep quiet."

"No."

"What the hell do you want now!?" he braced himself for yet another session of her yelling at him.

"You."

* * *

As she hugged the man closer to her, Okita Kagura gave out a sigh of relief.

Reality had sunk in once more.

Her husband was with her, she was not alone anymore, and here they were in the past, in his old room, doing the most natural thing between couples who had much affection for each other. They may play the role of rivals in public, but in the privacy of their bedroom, they were just like any other couple. They did have to maintain appearances, after all.

Slowly, she pulled him by the collar of his dress shirt and kissed him once more, her fingers slowly buttoning up his dress shirt. Immediately, her fingers went to the silver necklace he wore, where a single ring was hanging on the chain. "Heh."

"What's with the 'heh'?" he knew that it always made her smile whenever she would see his particular accessory of his. Given the chance, he wouldn't bother wearing a necklace, but in this case, he had to, just so he wouldn't have to wear the ring on his finger.

"I find it cute that you're wearing it around your neck."

"Gets in the way of my job." he shrugged. "'sides, it won't get lost if it's on my neck."

"Well, as long as they all know you're mine..." another kiss on the cheek.

"We should fight more often... seems like this is good for us." she remarked.

"Note to self: piss you off more whenever the hell I want." he earned a playful slap from her, making him leer at her. "So you want it rough, huh? Bring it on."

Just before she could reply back with a thoroughly perverted response, another voice interrupted them.

"… Can you _not_ defile _my room_?"

Immediately, the married couple untangled themselves from each other, but neither of them even looked remorseful with what they just did. Hell, Bakaiser was smirking from ear to ear, while his (Sougo really couldn't believe what he had just heard earlier) wife was blushing from embarrassment. "And why not? This room will be defiled in a few years' time anyway." spoke his older version, a knowing look plastered on his face. "Wanna know the details?"

Sougo twitched in response. "No thanks. I don't _ever_ wanna hear _anything_ about the future from you."

"Oh, good. At least everything will be a surprise. I can assure you, it's… very eye-opening. And educational too." at this, Kagura hit him in the arm. "What? It's true."

"You're making him feel uncomfortable." she scolded him.

"Just a heads up, of course. Spoilers ruin everything, especially in video games." the older man said, nodding. "Remember that well, Sougo."

"Whatever." if he could just grab the urn across the room, he would've immediately smashed the guy's face with it, future him or not.

Why the hell were they acting like hormonal teenagers?!

Most of all… how did they end up together?!

Whenever he thought about any scenario that involved China, violence was always the first thing that came to mind.

So why were these two so… lovey-dovey?

WHY?!

What the hell happened between them anyway?!

* * *

I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Please read and review!


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own Gintama. It belongs to Sorachi Hideaki.

* * *

**Of Adultery and Space Travel**

* * *

_Chapter 5_

* * *

Seeing the look of confusion and despair in the younger Okita's face made Okita Kagura feel sorry for the younger man. Even in their timeline, no one had expected the two of them to end up together, much less picture them dating and officially getting together by including her in his family registry.

But then again, their relationship hadn't been smooth-sailing since the beginning, and it was evident on how the younger ones interacted, especially since he couldn't help but insult her, while her younger counterpart couldn't control her temper and humored him by fighting back.

"Problem? You look like you wanna say something." she said out loud, giving him a look, as if to challenge him to say what he wanted to voice out, but couldn't do so. "Humor me." she added.

The younger one shrugged. "Still can't figure out how you two ended up together. Did you knock her up or something?" he asked, the question aimed at the older man.

Bakaiser expected the crude retort and shook his head. "And if you're wondering if she did some devious scheme to entrap me, nope. She's not that clever." he dodged a punch that went his way. "I wasn't insulting you, believe me."

"Oh, shut it, you jerk." she said, irritated at the glint in his eyes as his lips slowly curved into a smile.

"Kidding." he pressed a quick kiss on her forehead, earning a wince from the younger male. "What, you're still at the stage wherein you think girls have some kind of disease? What the hell happened to you?!"

"That's what you get for living in a compound full of men for most of your life." the older Kagura chuckled.

"I _do not_ have that mindset!" the younger one said hotly as he glared at the duo, who were smirking.

"Guess so. I mean, you _did_ stalk me at that age-"

"I'm not stalking anyone!" he yelled.

"Okay, okay, no need to get your boxers in a bunch." the older Kagura said. "Besides, we don't wanna scare her, right?"

Just before he could ask who she meant, footsteps could be heard on corridor leading to his room...

... And it turned out to be China.

_Shit._

* * *

"Sadist, Gorilla's calling for you."

Immediately, the two male Okitas in the room looked at her, giving her a puzzled look. "Which one?" the younger one asked. As soon as she shrugged, he shook his head. "How smart of you not to ask for the specifics."

"Like I care about your predicament." she stuck out her tongue at him, complete with her pulling the skin under her lower eyelid.

"How mature of you to stick out your tongue." he rolled his eyes. "You're such a kid."

"Says the guy who is called 'brat' by his future self." she smirked, sticking out her middle finger at him.

Immediately, the younger Okita charged at her, ready to attack her, when the older version of him grabbed his arm. "Okay kids, break it up. You, stop provoking her." to Kagura, he flashed a grin. "Don't rise to his baits. He's just being a jerk."

To everyone's surprise, the younger female Yato suddenly turned red and looked like she was going to fall down to her knees. Immediately, she covered her face and turned away, obviously embarrassed. Concerned, her older counterpart went up to her, and all signs of hostility from early had vanished as soon as the older woman asked her what was wrong.

"I-Is he..."

"Is he... what?" older Kagura frowned.

"... S-sadist... really isn't gonna be... as... handsome as... that guy... right?"

At this, the older Kagura grinned. "... Ooh, you have a crush on my husband, huh?"

"N-NO! No I don't!" if it was even possible, Kagura's face turned redder than before. "N-no way!"

"It's okay~" replied her older counterpart in a sing-song tone. "For once, be honest with yourself."

"NO!" she screamed. "I _do not_ like him!" Kagura pointed at Okita who was still being held by Bakaiser. "NO WAY! I WON'T ALLOW IT!"

"Oh geez, little girl, chill the fuck out. It's my husband you have a crush on, not this scrawny little brat." she pointed at the younger Okita, who had glared at her and raised his middle finger in response. "See? That's the reason why she hates you."

"I don't care if she hates me." he huffed. "It's been that way ever since, and nothing's gonna change that."

At this, Bakaiser laughed. "Yeah, and you're gonna die a virgin."

The older Kagura snorted at the statement and nearly fell down on her knees, laughing her heart out. "That's the saddest thing I've ever heard!" to Bakaiser, she said, "Well, at least you won't die a virgin."

"Obviously, you divested that from me when I was 20. Better late than never." he winked.

At this, Okita Sougo blanched. "Can we stop talking about that and just go to the meeting room?!" he was nearly at his breaking point, and if he heard another person say something about him and his China one more time-

... Where the hell did that come from?! She wasn't _his_ China!

"We're going on ahead." Bakaiser said, interrupting his thoughts as he draped his cloak over the older woman's shoulders. "See ya."

"And don't fight." the older woman reminded, looking at them both. "For once, at least keep all that sexual tension through words-"

"Sexual tension my ass!" they bellowed, making the older pair laugh.

"Anyway, see you, kids." the two bid farewell and made their way to the meeting room.

* * *

"Was it... safe to leave them alone?"

"I'm sure they won't be banging _that way_." the male assured her, making her snort. "Seriously speaking, it'll be fine. We acted like... mentors, at least." he nearly said 'parents', which would be weird, since the two of them didn't act like parents towards the teenagers _at all_.

"Guess so... but those two..." Kagura sighed. "I wonder..."

"Wonder what?"

"If they're grossed out with this whole situation and decide to stay away from each other until they die."

Okita shrugged. "I don't give a fuck if they end up together or not-"

"Hey!"

"-'cause too bad for them, they won't know what they'll be missing. And besides, in _my_ timeline..." at this, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her into his arms. "... I ended up with _you_."

"... Tch. Stop being so cheesy!" she said, pushing him away, though her face was beet red.

"How uncute." he tsked. "For once, be honest with yourself-" he was suddenly cut off when she grabbed the collar of his uniform and forced a kiss on his lips. As soon as they pulled apart after trying to dominate one another with their mouths, Sougo was smirking.

"Well, that escalated quickly." he said, placing a hand under her chin and running his thumb over her lips. "You getting hot again?"

"... What if I am..."

"That can be arranged." Just as soon as he was about to put her into the nearby room, they heard footsteps coming their way...

... and it just so happened to be their younger counterparts, who were now racing their way through the corridors. Or rather, the girl was doing the chasing while the Shinsengumi captain was running away as fast as he could as the girl kept screaming expletives at him. "Come back here, you asshole!" when he ignored her, she stopped, threw her right shoulder back, and threw her trusty umbrella at his direction.

Fortunately for the younger Kagura, it _did_ hit its target... but at the expense of destroying the room that Bakaiser and the older Kagura planned to enter, as well as the nearby surroundings. It looked like a tornado had passed by the vicinity as the wooden corridor looked like it had been run through the ground.

The older couple sighed.

_Kids._

* * *

Thanks for reading! Drop me a review and tell me what you think!_  
_


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